My close friend is on her way to becoming a researcher with all her life planned out ahead of her. She has a clear vision of what she wants to be, speaks 3 languages, travelled the world and writes so damn well. She's everything I always want to be but can't. She's my age. So age is not an excuse for me.
My bestfriend works hard every midnight to deal with high amount of projects from her art university. I'm studying psychology. Major should not be an excuse for me.
My other friend who is also asian like me is a hardworking genius who prepares for everything and is intimidatingly ambitious. But he's also a sweet guy who's kind to everyone. So culture is not an excuse for me.
My german friends are all hardworkers, searching for internships, moving freely, working overtime in the library every day with so much passion that I'm even ashamed of myself.
One of my friend has a work in airport that pays for his tuition and he's still young. I haven't worked shit in my whole entire goddamn life and I'm ashamed as hell.
My friend who has a mental illness is travelling the world, have many experiences of volunteering, speaking multiple languages and succeeds in her own way. So bad mental health is not an excuse for me.
My senior who has the same belief as I do worked hard, participated in every event, took every chance, danced two choreographies and played the angklung during the cultural event, did not go home for 2 years and still kept his shit together. So being religious and missing home is not an excuse for me.
I ain't done shit in my 19 years of life. I'm fucking aimless and I hate myself.