Sabtu, 08 Februari 2014

God, I'm so old

Hi, readers...Sorry for not writing for so long I've been busy with school...
I feel like I live in high school, really...
By the way the theatre club of my school just won the first prize for art competition! I'm so proud of them!
You know, even though I have never been the actor, (I'm usually the one with the camera, the one documenting the event), and I am, like, the worst actor that the theatre club ever has, I'm happy to be there to celebrate the victory. I mean, like, my school won the first prize for city level? It's a big thing!
So, enough for bragging about my school...
You know, sometimes I hate the fact that I'm such a horrible decision-maker. Maybe this is why I am always so confused with everything. I feel like I need someone to talk to. Just to, you know, keep me sane.
I've been acting so weird lately. I am so quiet and ignorant...don't know how to respond to things, loses my temper quickly. I feel like I'm back to grade six. I don't like going back to my old self...I want to change to be a happier person. Like when I was fourteen. I used to laugh at everything.
Then...things happened.
I'm confused with whom should I be talking to...
God? Don't get me wrong, I love Him dearly, but He doesn't just give me the answer, He would send me a conscience or an idea or something indirect. My best friend? They are busy...My sister? No. She doesn't know what she's doing. Every time she tries to give me advice, she is always unawarely making me feel bad. Like when I asked her why am I always so confused and then she said something like "it's because you have no experience in life". When I confronted her about it, she just apologized and said that she didn't know that I considered it as an insult.
My dad? Don't get me wrong, He gave me useful advices sometimes. But he...sometimes doesn't understand how girls are...
I usually asked my mom for advice...But ever since she died...so...I don't know who to turn to anymore...
But I'm wrong too, you know, I should've been able to make decision myself. I mean, I'm going to be 16 years old this year and I have to start to learn to be independent. But it seems like I can't. Like I'm not ready.
I don't know what to say anymore. I think this is just another shitty teenage times I should experience.

It'll pass. I know it will.